FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
