So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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