literally had 100 drinks last night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
