She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
