This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
