I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
BRING THE BAGELS
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize