there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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