just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
