im about as happy as oj after his trial
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
