no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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