I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
