Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize