ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
