Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
