It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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