i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
