Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
