The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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