Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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