that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
