i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm like, not good at living.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
