she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
