so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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