508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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