I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
