Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
