Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
