Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
