i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
should my penis look like a turkey
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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