clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
