chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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