When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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