can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
