omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
