you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
