i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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