so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
