Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
