so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Gay?
German.
Pity.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
