he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize