haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
