I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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