this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
