I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
