I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
