Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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