The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
