No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
