I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
