Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
