I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have tasted many bathrooms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
