i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
