What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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