I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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