i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
