Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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