I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
