My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
