Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
