really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
