oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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