3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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