Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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