seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
