Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
