he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
