I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
