so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
