I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
